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Thursday, October 17, 2019

‘Last wave of job cuts’? Wanna bet?

Oh, it’s only one percent of their workforce, so no big deal. Unless, of course you’re one of the one percent. No, this isn’t the one percent that everyone would like to be part of. We’re talking one percent of the Uber workforce who just got their pink slips.

This time, it was Eats employees, performance marketing, and the group focusing on self-driving car development.

I’m guessing this latter group may have felt secure, as autonomous vehicles are the wave of the future. Especially the future of Uber, which is ultra-hyped on the concept. The company has plowed over $1B into development over the last couple of years, and hauled in an additional $1B in investment last spring. When it does start to work out, self-driving cars will enable Uber to get rid of its ultimate pesky human factor. Forget riffing 350 employees. Uber’s out for ridding itself of its 3M non-employees – all those independent contractors who suck so much money out of the company coffers, and who are always agitating for things like benefits and security. Out, out, damned workers!

For now, Uber will have to settle for jettisoning 350 folks in what they’re characterizing as the “last wave.”

Over the summer, Uber had a couple of other rounds, getting rid of 835 employees.

Again, it doesn’t sound like all that much. Unless you’re one of the folks getting the heave-ho.

Here’s the announcement that went out to the survivors:

“Days like today are tough for us all, and the ELT [Executive Leadership Team] and I will do everything we can to make certain that we won’t need or have another day like this ahead of us,” [Dara] Khosrowshahi wrote in the email. “We all have to play a part by establishing a new normal in how we work: identifying and eliminating duplicate work, upholding high standards for performance, giving direct feedback and taking action when expectations aren’t being met, and eliminating the bureaucracy that tends to creep as companies grow.” (Source: Tech Crunch)

If I had a dollar for every similar email that came my way during my career in tech… Well, I might not be rich but I’d have enough to pay for a decent meal. And if I had another dollar for every time that, as a manager, I had to write or utter something along the lines of we “will do everything can to make certain that we won’t need or have another day like this ahead of us,” well, I could throw in a nice glass of wine or dessert.

And, for most ELT’s, layoffs are tough. Most people don’t want to see others suffer. And most people don’t want to admit to the failure to execute that generally results in layoffs. Sure, sometimes layoffs are for strategic reasons, but as often as not they’re driven by the Benjamins.

But there might be some members of a company’s “executive leadership team” who find layoffs just fine and dandy.

I worked once with a spectacularly turdish individual who, after remotely laying off a fellow who was in a hospital NICU with his newborn son – an infant who was touch and go at the time, announced to us that he had very much enjoyed the experience.

Uber is kinda-sorta saying that their layoffs are a strategic paring down:

“As you know, over the past few months, our leaders have looked carefully at their teams to ensure our organizations are structured for success for the next few years,” Khosrowshahi wrote to employees. “This has resulted in difficult but necessary changes to ensure we have the right people in the right roles in the right locations, and that we’re always holding ourselves accountable to top performance.”

Hmmmm. If I had another dollar for every time I heard that need to make sure “we have the right people,” I could leave an extra large tip on that meal. And take an Uber home.

Uber is, of course, losing money hand over fist. And they did need to make sure they had another money to keep investing in ballot battles to make sure that “its drivers remain 1099 independent contractors.”

If drivers are made real employees, costs are predicted to increase, which will make Uber less attractive to riders. Presumably.

I’m actually a big – if not a fan, then a -  user of Uber. Last week was well above average, as between Wednesday and Sunday, I took 5 Ubers – but if I’m going anywhere that’s not walking distance or easily accessible via the T, I’m ubering.

I would be happy to pay more for a ride, and would maybe adjust the tip down a bit, since I’m a pretty big Uber tipper. But even if it gets to the same price as a cab, you just can’t beat the convenience of summoning up a driver from your smartphone. If the cabs ever get that convenient and reliable, I’ll be back.

As for Uber, the email from Khosrowshahi ended with the usual peppish talk: we’ll be stronger moving forward, etc.  If I had a dollar for every one of those pep talk emails I received over the years, I could order a couple of CD’s on Amazon when I got home (via Uber) from that pretty decent dinner.

The email to Uber employees mentioned an All Hands to be held the day after layoff day.

Me? Forget the dinner, wine/dessert, Uber ride and CD’s. I’d take all the money and pay it toward not having to go to that All Hands meeting.

Which, of course, reminds me of the oddest thing I ever heard at a post-layoff All Hands.

Bizarrely, on a day in which a couple of thousands of employees had been frog-marched out to the parking lot holding their meager carton of personal items, the CEO of this (now deservedly defunct) company said something along the lines of “I’m not aware that any employees have actually left.”

The next day, a completely ridiculous email sailed out, telling us that, of course Mr. CEO knew there’d been layoffs. It’s just that, as long as they were collecting severance, the folks who’d been laid off were still “with us in spirit.”

Indeed.

Good luck to the Uber-ites, but I’m guessing that this won’t be the “last wave of job cuts.” There’s always another wave where that one came from.

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