Fortunately, I’m pretty much a day tripper

I’m a regular Uberer, taking it at least once a week. It’s cheap, convenient, a lot less nerve-wracking than calling a cab and wondering if and when they’ll show up (yay, technology!), and I’ve had pretty good luck with my Uber drivers. I know they don’t make a lot of money – it’s even worse than driving a cab – so I always give the driver a good tip.

Although I occasionally take an Uber after dark, I’m primarily a day tripper.

And 99.99% of the time, if I’m Ubering, I’m in or around Boston. Never in Miami.

Oh, and I don’t go out clubbing.

So it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever get caught up in the vomit fraud that has been in the news of late. Vomit fraud occurs when an Uber driver claims that a passenger puked in their car, reports it to headquarters, and pockets a hefty cleanup fee. Not that I don’t think that Uber (and Lyft) drivers shouldn’t be reimbursed for cleaning up a mess if someone tosses their cookies (or worse) while in the driver’s car. (I will give the cookie-tossers a shout out for at least not driving while impaired. Ubering while impaired is a lot less dangerous.)

Uber’s policy stipulates that passengers can be charged a fee that ranges from $80 to $150 if they cause damage or make a significant mess in a driver’s vehicle. A user typically gets a notification saying that an “adjustment” has been applied to their bill, the alleged damage is given as a reason for the fee, and photos of the issue are included. (Source: Gizmodo)

But if the passenger is completely innocent…. That’s another thing entirely. One Uberer was charged twice in one night. Not saying that double sick-drunk couldn’t happen, but it’s not all that likely. Anyway, the guy fought it and got the bogus charges reversed. Another passenger canceled an Uber when the driver didn’t show. The driver charged for the trip anyway, and threw on a clean-up charge for good measure. One Uber driver was nailed for vomit fraud when all the pictures of “cleanup on aisle four” turned out to be identical. Maybe he was using one of those plastic vomit gags. (Gag.)

I’m sure there are plenty of actual nasty incidents. But vomit fraud? Come on. Kind of puts another kind of surge in surge pricing, doesn’t it. (And by the way, Uber backs up most drivers in the cases where a passenger fights back. Other than if you video’d your entire ride, or at least the part when you get out of the car and do a video-sweep of the back seat, I don’t see how you could prove your innocence.)

Apparently there are some drivers who feel it’s worth putting in false claims because there are a ton of people who don’t check their Uber charges and, thus, are unaware that they’ve been had.

Hard to believe. I don’t go over my credit card bills with any sort of fine tooth comb, but I look through them and it something seems off, I check it out. Mostly when something seems off, it’s because I don’t recognize the company’s name. And that’s because the restaurant or shop or whatever is doing business under a name I don’t recognize. Once in a blue moon, there’s an outright bad charge. One that comes to mind occurred a couple of years back, when I was charged $50 by a London-based escort service. Not me! And what kind of escort service charges $50? Seriously, what do you get for $50???

Turns out, there’s at least one Uber driver who doesn’t mind the occasional drunk and disorderly rider:

The cleaning charge can also be a legitimate way for Uber drivers with a strong stomach to make some extra cash. Uber driver Will Preston told Business Insider last year that he welcomes inebriated passengers after he realized that he could skip a professional cleaner, do the dirty work himself, and pocket the fee.

Wonder if he gives them a breathalyzer test before he lets them in his car?

I sure wouldn’t want to be an Uber driver. Not great pay, not great working conditions, knowing that your “employer” is raring to replace you with a self-driving vehicle, and people puking on your upholstery. I’m sure it’s tempting to tack on a fake fee, especially if a passenger has been drunk and/or obnoxious, even if they’re not sick drunk. After all, that backseat puker is out having fun, while you’re trying to stitch together a living driving drunks home. Still, charging someone such a hefty extra just because you can, even if they didn’t? That’s just wrong.

Ah, vomit fraud. At least it displaced bigfoot porn as the term du jour.