Every country has its own peculiarities, some more so than others. Into this latter category, England surely falls. Vegemite. Benny Hill. Eel pie. And then there’s Swan Upping, an annual July event during which swan uppers – you’ll note that some of them appear to be dressed like Gilligan from Gilligan’s Island – travel up a section of the Thames, counting the swans
Unlike Vegemite and Benny Hill, Swan Upping is not John-Bull-come-lately to the British peculiarity list. It’s been going on since 1168, making this the 850th anniversary.
Swans aren’t just any old bird; they aren’t crows, starlings, wrens or blue jays. Like peacocks, swans are beautiful and kind of ritzy. And a lot rarer than commoner birds like crows and wrens. Thus – what else- the royals took control:
From the 12th century, there began an elaborate system of ownership, with the crown granting special license to landed lords and special institutions, such as the universities, abbeys and livery companies, to husband the swans
The lucky few who were granted permission, and paid fees, marked their swans’ beaks with nicks of a sharp knife — hieroglyphs of triangles, crosses, dots and bands, which were recorded on rolls of vellum.
By 1378, there was an Office of the Keeper of the King’s Swans. By 1405, no one could own a swan unless given permission by the crown.
…Miscreant yeomen who poached a swan egg, or harassed nesting swans, or — heaven forbid — ate a swan could be punished by a year and a day in jail. (Source: Washington Post)
I don’t imagine that swan tastes all that different than goose or turkey does, but there is something about the thought of eating swan that leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. Don’t know why that is the case, but there it is. Spare me the roast swan recipes.
Swans are strictly for looking at. There are two living in the Boston Public Garden, which is pretty much my front yard. And then there are the swan boats, also in the Public Garden, which are 
If I don’t care to eat one, neither do I have any desire to own one.
But the Queen apparently likes to get what’s coming to her, and that includes half the swans that get counted in the annual census. (The other half go to the Vintners and Dyers Guilds.)
Swan-upping isn’t just about making sure that the Queen knows how many swans she owns.
“It’s all about education and conservation today,” [Swan Marker to the Queen David] Barber said.
It was swan uppers who discovered a few decades back that ingesting the lead pellets that fishermen used to weigh down their nets was killing the swans. Once the lead was banned, the swan population had a bit of a rebound.
But the conservation actually dates back to the royals’ largesse, and privileged folks wanting everyone to know that they were swan-worthy:
The aristocrats craved the status that a pair regal swans in the castle moat or manor lake could afford them. “It is rare to preserve such a big edible, easily caught bird in a heavily populated area,” [Oxford Professor Christopher Perrins] he said. “If it weren’t for the snob appeal of owning swans, we probably wouldn’t have them.”
Well, yeah, snob appeal. But don’t forget you could get a year in the hoosegow if you poached (and then poached) a swan egg. And if prisons are terrible places now, just imagine what they were like in the 12th century. (Hmmm. Now that I think of it, for poor people – the type who might have a hankering for an occasional dish of swan - prison probably wasn’t all that much worse than life no the outside.)
Swan upping, which entails grabbing newbie swans (cygnets) and tagging them, can be a pretty nasty business. Swans beaks aren’t that dangerous, but swans come equipped with a sharp claw hidden away in their webbed feet. And they’re pretty prolific poopers, too. So uppers need to contend with swan parents that don’t want to be separated from their offspring, and once you grab a cygnet, you’re likely to get shit on. Nevertheless, swan uppers persist in wearing swan-white pants, no doubt keeping a stiff upper lip all the way.
Ah, England.
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