I vana talk about the Italiano diet

Been wondering why we haven’t heard all that much from Ivana Trump?

Me neither.

Too busy obsessing about the rest of her family (kids and ex) to spend any fret time wondering what Ivana had been up to, given that she’s long finished playing Eloise (or Zsa Zsa Gabor) at the Plaza Hotel.

And then, out of the clear blue, doesn’t she pop up promoting the Italiano diet, which lets you eat pasta (special pasta) and cookies (special cookies) and still lose weight. I knew it had to be special pasta and special cookies, because I know up close and personal that eating non-special pasta and non-special cookies doesn’t help me lose weight.

Anyway, the Italiano diet was cooked up by one Gainluca Mech – that’s him with Ivana – the scion of an Italian family that made it big in herbal extracts, and who’s infusing his diet products with herbal extracts.

Ivana,

…who once appeared in commercials for Pizza Hut and Kentucky Fried Chicken, said she agreed to talk up the Italiano Diet because “obesity is like a calamity in America,” although she said that she herself did not need to shed pounds. (Source: NY Times)

Obesity may well be an American calamity, but as anyone who’s watched an episode or two of the reality-TV show My 600 Lb. Life can attest, the demographic that struggles with morbid obesity probably can’t afford “$20 cookies dipped in dark chocolate, $24 crunchy bars with strawberries and raspberries and, for $14, fusilli pasta.” 

Gianluca Mech test kitchened his products in a restaurant in Italy, where they swapped out real menu items for Mechs. Ivana was one of the diners that found herself eating diet food when she thought she was supping on the real deal. She found the food “very tasty,” and Mech sent some back to NYC for her. (I can’t believe it’s not butter.)

And now she’s there, swanning around the Plaza Hotel – formerly her Plaza Hotel – talking up the Italiano diet brand.

Not that I’m going to be buying anything on the diet – not the fake Nutella (on sale for $4.90), not the 45 Day Luxury Kit for Women – good for a 45 day weight loss of 15-20 pounds (currently marked down from from $1,073 to $749). I don’t like Nutella to begin with . And that seems like a lot of dough to pay for 45 days worth of diet. But you do get to she those unwanted lbs…Only $37.50 or $50 a pound, depending how successful you are.

Anyway, I went over to the Italiano diet site to check out some of the products on offer.

There’s the Instant Herbs Flavored Omelet Mix that sets you up with four omelets while setting you back $20. Here’s what it contains.

Powdered egg white and yolk (50%), milk protein (emulsifiers: soy lecithin), Tisanoreica® Activator (acacia fiber gum, papaya dried extract fruit, pineapple dried extract juice fruit, mallow dried extract flowers, star anise dried extract fruit, fennel dried extract fruit, artichoke dried extract leaves, dandelion dried extract leaves, lespedeza dried extract aerial parts, griffonia dried extract seeds, frangula dried extract bark), salt, herbs (chives, tarragon, chervil) (1,3%), spices (curcuma, pepper), anti-caking agent: magnesium carbonate anti-caking agents: magnesium carbonate, parsley, encapsulated freeze-dried melon juice (maltodextrins, lyophilized melon juice, glazing agent: shellac).

Lespedeza dried extract aerial pats? Griffonia dried extract seeds? Frangula dried extract bark? Leaping lizards! And shellac? Huh?

The magic’s in all these extracts, but I’m guessing that having a shellacked omelet on your plate might take some appetite and calories away.

Mushroom flavored soup mix (four packets for $14) has a similar line up of extracts. Plus 2% champignon de Paris – that would be 2% mushroom. And, of course, shellac is there as the “glazing agent.”

Since when does soup need glazing?

As for that $14 fusilli, here’s what’s so great about it:

Food with digestive and cleansing plants, helps fight cravings. Proven by science (This statement has been not evaluated by FDA.)

Proven by science? Who really needs science. I mean, it is Ivana plumping for it, not some nobody. And she’s probably as honest as the next Trump. But rather than take their word for it, I think I’ll wait until the statement is evaluated by the FDA.

Meanwhile, I’m off to rustle up a non-shellacked omelet.