This sounds relaxing

It’s not a burning desire, but I’d kinda like to see Australia and New Zealand at some point. I also wouldn’t mind dropping in on Japan.

One thing that gets in my way is the thought of spending so many, so very many, hours on a flight. Bad enough the red eye back to the East Coast from California. Bad enough those overnight flights to Europe that plunk you down in a STRANGE CITY early in the morning, blurry-eyed, slack-jawed and drooling. A 24 hour flight? Especially if you’re flying steerage. Ugh on ugh.

I can always get a doze or two in on  a long-haul flight, but mostly it’s tossing and turning. The plane’s too hot. Or it’s too cold. The person in the window seat needs to get up every half hour to use the restroom. If the person in the window seat has a super-bladder, it’s the person in the seat behind you, grabbing on your head rest when they make their bi-hourly toilet run.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had a couple of first- or business-class European flights, and it makes a big difference – even if you’ve just got a fabulous reclining seat and not one of those Emirate studio-apartment-in-a-plane flights where you get your very own double bed.

But the cost of flying first to Australia? Hmmmm. That’s a lot of trips somewhere else. Somewhere else that’s quicker and easier to get to.

But Airbus is coming up with an answer that will enable airlines the opportunity to offer passengers something between cattle car and ultra-luxe.

The European jetmaker is working with seat manufacturer Zodiac Aerospace on the design and construction of lie-flat beds to fit in lower-deck cargo areas. The berths will initially be offered on Airbus A330 widebody aircraft from 2020, the companies said Tuesday at a conference in Hamburg. (Source: Bloomberg)

Quantas is apparently latching onto the option of offering a fourth class – first, business, cargo-dorm, and coach.

I don’t know about flying in the cargo hold. They’d have to prove to me that they’ve solved the pressurization problem that seems to kill puppies in crates.

But I guess this problem has been solved to some extent:

Holds have in the past been designed as cabin crew rest areas and for ablutions. 

Ablutions? Is that, like, washing up?

Anyway, there must be some secret way to get down to the cargo hold –maybe through the cockpit? – because I’ve never seen a pilot or flight attendant in their bathrobe, towel over their shoulder, shower sandals flapping, soap-on-a-rope around their neck,ducking into the cargo hold for an ablution. Then again, I haven’t been on any super-long flight that would require an ablution break.

Here’s what the prototype looks like:

Somewhere between a modern Swedish hostel and a Japanese micro-hotel. And not all that comfortable and relaxing looking. And I sure hope they’ll have some privacy curtains like the ones in the sleeping cars shown in old b&w movies. And how about making those privacy curtains soundproof. Who wants to hear the guy in the next pod snoring?

It’s not just sleeping berths that are on the drawing boards at Airbus. There’s other stuff you can use those cargo holds for, given that everyone’s stuffing everything from cellos to Casper mattresses into those overhead containers so they don’t need to check anything, leaving plenty of room in those cavernous cargo holds.

In addition to a sleep module, Airbus and Zodiac revealed plans for a children's play module complete with a playground slide, a hospital infirmary module, a bar/lounge module, and a conference-room module. (Source: Business Insider)

I guess having the kiddos have a place to work off their energy is a good idea. It beats the out of control brats running up and down the aisles, screaming their heads off. Or sitting in back of you and kicking your seat for the length of the flight. But if this is a separate class from coach, try explaining to your kid that they can’t go on the playground slide like those other lucky ducks. Let the meltdowns begin!

And, sure, if someone goes into cardiac arrest, it would be plenty handy to have medical personnel on board. But on a flight with 200+ passengers, there’s pretty high likelihood that there’ll be a doctor, nurse, or EMT. Or at least someone who knows CPR. Do we really need infirmaries on flights? Huh? And who would staff them? Someone competent who did it in exchange for a free flight? Or someone who was just short of losing their license when they decided that it might be cooler to be a sort of flight surgeon, rather than play Doc on The Loveboat.

"This approach to commercial air travel is a step change towards passenger comfort," Airbus' cabin and cargo program head, Geoff Pinner, said in a statement. "We have already received very positive feedback from several airlines on our first mock-ups. We are pleased to partner with Zodiac Aerospace on this project which will introduce a new passenger experience and add value for airlines."

Before you get carried away with playground slides and bunk beds, how about improving the passenger experience by adding a couple of inches of legroom. By restricting the recline to a few degrees, rather than head-in-the-person-behind-you’s lap. By improving the ghastly food, which, out of sheer boredom, I never turn down, even if it’s absolute swill.

I’d still like to get to Australia and New Zealand. But I’d have to think about sleeping in the cargo hold. Especially if there’s going to be kid on a playground slide, raging around just outside my bunk. Or some doctor performing an appendectomy in the bunk below mine.