Wrinkle free, by dint of genetics or a shot of Botox

This is, of course, subject to change, but when it comes to wrinkles, I still don’t have all that many. This is, of course, thanks to the luck of the hereditary draw. I got the Rogers dent in the head (don’t ask), and the long, skinny, flat feet from my father. (Thanks, Al.) And the Mr. Magoo nearsightedness from my mother. (Thanks, Liz.) But my mother also bequeathed me her largely unwrinkled skin, which she, in turn had inherited from her mother. (So thanks, Grandma.)

Recently, a doctor told me that I am remarkably wrinkle-free for someone my age. He then asked me about my ethnic makeup. I told him half-Irish, half-German. His response: you certainly don’t have Irish skin. Irish skin is baggy and wrinkly.

I don’t know whether this is universally true, but my Irish grandmother and my Irish aunt were pretty wrinkly. (My Irish aunt’s daughter, however, is not especially wrinkly, and she’s 9 years older than I am.)

Anyway, I also attribute my lack of wrinkles (and the same goes for my sisters, one older, one younger) to the fact that none of us ever had the luxury of lolling around on the beach during the summer.

But I do ask myself the question whether, if I had an onset of wrinkles, I’d use Botox. After all, I do color (euphemism for dye) my hair. So why not get a blast of Botox when and if the time comes?

Actually, I don’t ask myself this question. I don’t give any thought to Botox whatsoever (other than, of course, to heap mental scorn on those who resort to it rather than let nature take its course; after all, it does nothing to stop the interior aging process, just the cosmetics – all the Botox in the world isn’t going to stave off the grim reaper and his scythe). That is, I didn’t give it any thought until I saw an article on Bloomberg about Botox.

I suppose I knew that the “bot” in Botox comes from botulism.

But who knew just how creepily dangerous its production can be. For instance, you can’t step in side Allergan’s California Botox labs without signing a waiver:

…acknowledging that within 18 to 36 hours of entering the secured labs, you could develop symptoms including double vision, difficulty speaking, arm or leg weakness, and eventual paralysis of your respiratory system. (Source: Bloomberg)

Then there’s the souped up security you need to go through:

All this scrutiny and precaution isn’t there to protect Allergan’s wildly popular drug from competitors, though it is worth protecting—last year, Botox generated $2.8 billion in sales. Rather, the security exists because the drug that can take years off a person’s appearance by erasing wrinkles also happens to be made with one of the most toxic substances known to science.

It doesn’t take a very large amount to take care of the Botox supply chain:

A baby-aspirin-size amount of powdered toxin is enough to make the global supply of Botox for a year.

Which is secretly shipped from a super-dooper secure site under super-dooper guarded conditions. That’s because:

…a study published in 2001 in the Journal of the American Medical Association said that a single gram in crystallized form, “evenly dispersed and inhaled, would kill more than 1 million people.”

Scary stuff, for sure. And there have been attempts to weaponize it, including by the Iraqis back in the day.

But, for Allergan, it translates into incredible market share for both medical – conditions like crossed eyes, migraine, overactive bladder, uncontrolled spasms (90 percent) – and cosmetic (75 percent) uses.

It’s discovery of Botox as a de-wrinkler by a couple of married doctors – she: ophthalmologist; he: dermatologistas  – came about by accident. The eye doctor was treating a patient for spasms, and the patient noticed that the treatment was unfurrowing her brow. Meanwhile, the skin doctor had been looking for a way to treat deep frown lines. So, voila!

Cosmetic treatments are costly – $600 a pop – and aren’t covered by insurance. Patients who want to Ponce de Leon it up pay out of pocket. I suspect that this will not want to be a trap I fall into. Bad enough to get sucked into the regular jaunts to the hairdresser for a dye (there, I’ve said it) job.

Also interesting to me is that Allergan has operations in the town of Westport, County Mayo, Ireland.

This is a really lovely town: the Ireland that exists largely in the tourist’s fantasy:

Westport has won Ireland’s coveted Tidy Towns award three times in a decade, an honor “almost unheard of in the modern era of the award,” according to town architect Simon Wall.

Tidy Town isn’t just about neat and clean. I’ve been to Westport, and it is astonishingly free of empty, crumpled up scampi Tayto packets. (Or, if I were to litter in Ireland, a full, crumpled up scampi Tayto packet. Just inedible.) But it’s also completely and utterly quaint and charming.

And, in addition to being a Tidy Town, Westport is the home to some of the production of Botox.

No mention in the Bloomberg article, but inquiring (wrinkle-free) minds ask whether they chose Ireland because there are so many wrinkled up people there to experiment on. (When Irish eyes are smiling, does it produce wrinkles? Hmmmm.)