What’s with ice cream parlors anyway?

If you like ice cream, it is good to be a New Englander. We’re above the national average as consumers and producers of ice cream, and there’s a lot of ice cream to choose from.

Why, less than a 1 minute walk from my home there’s a gelato place, and if I’m willing to walk 3 minutes, there’s a J.P. Lick’s. A bit farther afield (i.e., less than a 15 minute walk), I have a Ben & Jerry’s and an Emack and Bolio’s. No need to head over to Cambridge to Toscanini’s, let alone to Belmont for Rancatore’s.

And those are just what’s top of mind…

Although I don’t eat ice cream everyday – who wants to end up on My 600 Lb. Life? – if I could, I would. Because, let’s face it, happiness really is a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia and a spoon.

Anyway, because New England is such a hot bed (cold bed?) of ice cream, competition can be fierce.

In the late 1970’s/early 1980’s, there were a couple of ice cream stores on Charles Street – the main drag in my ‘hood – that got into a war. A real war. One guy was killed while trying to blow up his rival’s store.

Apparently ice cream wars continue to rage, and the latest skirmish was waged on Cape Cod.

The Cape Cod Times reports that David Ariagno, owner of Lazy Sundaes Ice Cream in Bourne, was released on personal recognizance this week after pleading not guilty to charges including malicious or wanton damaging of property, malicious destruction of property and contributing to the delinquency of his workers. (Source: AP on boston.com.*)

I’ll have to check with my cousin Babs, who has a summer place in Pocasset, which is the capital of Bourne, but I believe I’ve been to Lazy Sundaes. This, of course, makes me feel like I’m almost part of the story although I would not, of course, contribute to the delinquency of a worker, or wantonly and/or maliciously destroy property.)

Anyway, the Cape Cod Times had more of the scoop.

Apparently, there had been a “string of vandalism incidents” at the Somerset Creamery – maybe that’s the one I’ve been to with Babs – which is barely more than a stone’s throw from Lazy Sundaes.

And that stone’s throw was precisely what was happening, as the Somerset kept getting its windows broken by rock-throwers. (Rocky Road throwers?)

Detective John Doble said police eventually determined that teenage employees of Lazy Sundaes were behind the vandalism. Police then learned after interviewing the three suspects that Ariagno’s interest in disrupting a competitor was ultimately driving the behavior, Doble said.

Ariagno, who allegedly smoked marijuana with his teenage employees, also urged them to puncture the tires of staff and customers at the Lobster Trap restaurant on Shore Road, Doble said. But the teenagers refused. (Source: Cape Cod Times.)

Talk about how I spent my summer vacation.

Scooped ice cream. Smoked a doobie with my boss. Broke some windows at an other ice cream store. Drew the line at puncturing tires at the Lobster Trap.

(Why pick on the Lobster Trap, which, as far as I know, doesn’t sell ice cream? I’ve been in there a few times, and I’m pretty sure it’s mostly live lobsters and stuffed quahogs.Maybe Ariagno’s blunt brought about the fog of war.)

Ah, think of those parents who encouraged their kids to get a summer or after school job at Lazy Sundaes.

You’ll make some spending money. Learn the value of hard work. Figure out why you need your education. Have something that looks good on your college application.

And the subtext for summer and after school jobs: you’ll stay out of trouble.

Not if your boss is David Ariagno, apparently.

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*Okay, okay. I know that yesterday I pretty much swore off – and swore at – boston.com. But I grabbed this article before I took the pledge.

And if you’re interested, here’s a Pink Slip ice cream post from the archives.