Move over, Twinkie Defense

A few weeks ago, here in Boston, a fellow was arrested for trying to swindle the fund set up for the Marathon bombing victims. He claimed that his aunt – who had died a couple of years ago – had been killed at the finish line. He was nailed when he went to pick up a check for $2M. His mother claimed that her son was just trying to get the money so that he could help the poor folks in his community. Right…

I suspect that, if this defense sees the light of day in court, it will be as laughed in court as Dan White’s Twinkie defense was.

But people being people, there re plenty of them who will always look somewhere other than into their own eyes when it comes to explaining their poor decisions that result in a cart-load of troubles for them.

The latest is a lawyer from Tennessee who’s going after Apple, blaming them for his porn addiction and the breakdown of his marriage that resulted from said porn addiction.

The man is seeking damages, and wants Apple to "sell all its devices in 'safe mode,' with software preset to filter out pornographic content."

Per the complaint, [the man’s] problem began after he tried to visit "Facebook.com," but -- accidentally, he says -- typed "F**kbook.com," an adult site that "appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male and led to an unwanted addiction with adverse consequences." (Source: Huffington Post.)

I understand completely that someone could accidentally type in a wrong address. A kabillion years ago, when the web site F**ked Company provided a forum for companies that were on the skids, I would check it regularly at lunch, just to see what was there about the place I was working. One day, I accidentally typed in a similar URL, leading me to a porn site. I was at work, and my screen faced my office door, so I spent a couple of frantic minutes trying to close down the site. After trying to x-out an endless supply of x-rated pop-ups, I pulled to plug on my PC.

Not that I’m the audience for porn to begin with, but does one get addicted at a glance? Is it like love at first sight?

Anyway, in the mind of the lawyer filing the complaint, Apple’s the culprit here, as they’re enabling “unfair competition” between porn stars and his wife.

In what must be one hell of an interesting complaint to read through, he further argues that Apple is hurting “brick and mortar or 'mom and pop' porn shops" that have suffered as a result of the ubiquity of free online pornography.”

When I first starting reading about this lawsuit, I thought maybe this guy was one of those blame-someone-or-something for your troubles. But this lawsuit actually makes the Twinkie Defense seem reasonable and sane. So, having read through a couple of articles, I have to conclude that the poor man is mentally ill. Which is why I’m not using his name. I don’t imagine he needs yet another cite showing up when folks google his name.

Anyway, this pathetic story does raise the question – at least in my mind – about whether the world would be a better place if there were at least a modest hurdle or two to get over in order to have full access to the wonderful world of porn.

Not that I know all that much about the genre, but my understanding is that, in the old days, you did actually have to go to one of those ‘mom and pop’ – or perhaps just ‘pop’ – stores and actually purchase dirty mags. Which meant you had to show your face to the store clerk, plus risk your neighbor or your wife’s best friend spotting you walking in or out. Or you had to order them through the mail, and have it delivered in a plain, brown envelope.

In either case, there was, more or less, a practical, physical limit to the amount you could accumulate.

Not so on the Internet.

But what could that hurdle be?

Surely not preventing people from accessing porn sites. I don’t suppose that everyone who looks at porn becomes an addict.

Anyway, this suit will, of course, go nowhere, and I do hope that the man who filed it gets the help he so clearly needs. And that he can overcome the professional and personal embarrassment of having his name and meshugas splashed all over the Internet.

Meanwhile, I also read that Apple, itself, can be addictive.

In 2011, researchers featured in a BBC documentary claimed that Apple users bond with the brand in an unusual way. According to brain imaging, they said, Apple devices trigger activity in the areas of the brain normally associated with religious devotion. (Source: RawStory.)

No wonder that, other than an ancient iPod, I’ve resisted the lure of Apple products.

I need a device addiction like I need a hole in my head…