Hospitaliano? Sounds kind of food-poisony to me.

With absolutely nothing, nada, zip, rien, zero better to do with my time, I actually let myself read an article in Business Week on the Olive Garden’s new uniform.

Since I never eat at an Olive Garden – other than that one time when visiting family who actually wanted to eat there, even though they actually do have real restaurants in their area – the change in uniform is something that has absolutely nothing,, nada, zip, rien, zero to do with me.

In case you’re interested the big switch was from black pants-white shirt-long tie to black pants-black shirt.

Having been a waitress in white-shirt or – wow, how retro – white waitress uniform (i.e., white nylon dress) restaurants, I will observe that white is just about impossible to keep clean, with or without an apron. (The one exception to wearing white during my waitressing career was a short stint in a place where I had to wear a bright blue polyester mini-sailor dress. Ugh does not begin to describe what that one was like, but I can pretty much assure you that there’s no way to remove sweat from a bright blue polyester mini-sailor dress.

“Everyone looks more dignified, classy, and clean,” gushed one employee who tested the new threads. “We resemble a much more upscale dining establishment.” A manager added: “The team members seem much happier and more themselves.”

Although I don’t eat there, I am happy that at least one employee will feel more dignified, classy and clean in the new duds. (The fact that the employee was reported to have “gushed” about the new unis is perhaps one more reason why I don’t frequent Olive Garden.)

And I’m glad that “team members” – a.k.a., waiters and waitresses – “seem much happier and more themselves” when decked out in black, which is certainly more of a current look than white-with-tie. (I was going to write “more of a hipster look”, but I don’t think that you’re allowed to use the words “hipster” and “Olive Garden” in the same paragraph.)

Along with the new uniforms, the Olive Garden-ers will be sporting

…big green buttons that read “Hospitaliano!”—a phrase Olive Garden made up to describe its “passion for 100 percent guest delight.”

I know, I know, what we’re suppose to see is a clever portmanteau of Hospitality and Italiano. So I’ll give them props for coining a new term.

But what’s your first thought when you see the word – or non-word – hospitaliano?

Me, I see HOSPITAL, which is not, frankly, a word I want associated with the restaurant I’m eating in.

Here’s the word association that “hospitaliano” suggests to me: salmonella, food poisoning, tree nut not mentioned on the menu, choking hazard, gag reflex, anaphylactic shock. And those are just the restaurant associations, which quickly trip on over to doctor, nurse, emergency, procedure, treatment, etc. Nothing I want to think about when I’m stuffing my face with endless breadsticks, endless salad bar, and endless pasta.

But, hey, maybe that’s just me.

Still, I can’t help but believe that the waitresses and waiters, snappy new uniforms or not, will get more than a few earfuls from patrons who either don’t get “hospitaliano” or are thinking ER and ambulance.

Anyway, as I said, I don’t eat there, so this will have absolutely nothing, nada, zip, rien, zero better of an impact on my life. I’m just happy that I got to use the nifty word portmanteau for what may well be the first time.