And in this corner, Octomom

I must say that it has been quite a blessed while since I had given any thought to Nadya Suleman, the Octomom.  And I am thankful for that. I’ll go so far as to state that I had actually forgotten about her existence, and could have quite happily spent the remainder of my life without having given her another thought. (Add Kate Whatsername to the list, too. I am delighted to realize that I’ve not seen hide nor the extensioned hair of that one in ages. So much so that I have actually forgotten her last name. Okay, okay. It came to me: Gosselin.)

Anyway, the only good thing about insta-celebs with little talent other than an uncanny ability to insert themselves as a log in the public eye, is that they do tend to drop out of the public eye, as a new, more exciting log gets rolled in.

But Octomom’s back, and, at the end of the month, will get in the ring for an exhibit match, in Springfield Massachusetts, brought to us by Damon Feldman of the Celebrity Boxing Federation. This outfit definitely knows its “celebrities”. It’s worked with the likes of Jose Canseco, Tonya Harding, John Wayne Bobbitt, Joey Buttafuco, Michael Lohan (Lindsay’s dad), and Rodney (“Can’t we all just get along”) King.

And now the Octomom…

I know that she has 14 little mouths to feed, 15 if you count her botoxed own, but is this really the best that Nadya Suleman can do?

Apparently so.

She’s already celebrity boxed in New Jersey, and Feldman is looking for more venues for her.

“It’s just a fun fight, nothing serious,” Feldman said in an interview this week…

The August boxing event in Springfield will give one woman a chance to fight it out with Suleman. The fight will consist of three, one-minute rounds. The women will wear oversized gloves and protective head gear, according to Feldman, and no experience is required. It’s part of a tour that’s being orchestrated at sites around the country.
“We would love to have a radio personality or someone well-known in the community who has a following and wants to get in the ring with Nadya,” he said.

Ah, yes, ‘just a fun fight.’

Personally, I have little desire to watch any boxing match, but if I were to, I’d be more interested in watching a couple of pros go at it, or Mark Wahlberg playing Irish Mickey Ward, than look at a couple of amateurs wearing puffy gloves fake-flail away at each other for three minutes.

Yawn!

I mean, who would pay to see Nadya Suleman, Joey Buttafuco, or Michael Lohan do anything?

Not to mention that Feldman was put on probation for rigging matches. As if it’s not tacky enough to watch Michael Lohan go slap-happy with John Wayne Bobbitt in a fair fight. This boring crap – faux to begin with – is rigged. Not that this is a new low. We’ve been plenty low before. Still…

Of course, there is a good cause (cough-cough) angle to this:

A portion of the proceeds from the event will go to a local charity, Feldman said. “We heard about the tornado that struck Springfield, and we are interested in contributing to local efforts there,” he said.

Love that weasel-ly “a portion” wording.

Let’s face it. One mil per dollar netted after “expenses” (cough-cough) is “a portion”.

If this event sells more than 50 tickets, I call one more pure and clear signal that the end of the world – or at least America’s once-envied corner of it – is nigh.

Of course there is one way we could pretty much guarantee a full SRO house that would sell out in cities across this great land of ours. It seems to these old failing eyes that Nadya Suleman, in this corner in the red, and Casey Anthony, in that corner and wearing green, bear something of a vague resemblance to each other. A fight between Octomom  (mother to 14 living, breathing, mom-needing kids) and Tot Mom (who just may have gotten away with murder, or may just be a crazy sociopathic liar who had the ill luck to have her daughter snatched and murdered)?

Talk about fight of the century! The ultimate dream match!

This could be enough to ward off a double dip recession, or even spur a recovery, what with the gate, and the television rights, and the souvenirs…

Why, it could even make us forget we ever knew who Joey Buttafuco and John Wayne Bobbitt were.

But if we really want to stir up the economy, how about a second fight on the bill, with Amy Fisher taking on Joey Buttafuco’s ex-wife. Followed by Tonya Harding vs. Massachusetts’ sweetheart, Nancy Kerrigan (in the headlines recently because her brother roughed up their father, bringing on a heart attack that killed him).

Now that I think about it, the “celebrity” match up possibilities are endless.

Think I’ll call Damon Feldman and give him an earful.