Big Mac Attack: 25,000 and counting

The other day, I was grazing through an Economist when I saw a small article on an initiative by some health activists to get McDonald to stop selling Happy Meals and retire Ronald McDonald.

Personally, I find advertising aimed at small children exceedingly odious. I think that the gimcrackery contained in each and every box o’ Happy Meal is a blight on the world, since it will take about half a millennium for the plastic to decay, all the while sending bad ju-ju chemicals into the ground. And as for Ronald McDonald? The Economist article noted that the word for fear of clowns is coulrophobia. ‘Nuf said.

Still, it really is up to parents to clamp the lid down on Happy Meal consumption – Just Say No! – or at least force their kids to take the little plastic (bio-degradable?) baglet of carrots rather than the fries, and a carton of waxy-tasting milk rather than the bottomless cup of soda, isn’t it? And as creepy as I find Ronald McD, doesn’t he also have all those nice houses where parents of kids with cancer can stay when the kids are in the hospital? So creepiness aside, Ronnie ain’t all bad.

But what really caused me to nearly cough up one of the unsalted almonds I was munching on while reading was the mention that one Donald Gorske of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, had reached a Big Mac eating milestone.

Over the past 39 years, Gorske has managed to consume 25,000 Big Macs.

I can count on one finger the number of Big Macs I’ve consumed in my life, so the thought of 25,000 of these suckers fills me with shock and awe.

No, if I’m going to Mickey D’s, I’m going with the more calorically modest Quarter Pounder without cheese (410 calories vs. 540 for the Big Mac). Or, better yet, the entirely more modest original burger, for a meager caloric intake of 250 cals. Of course, unlike Don Gorske, I take fries with that.

So while those fries aren’t as healthy as, say, those salt-free almonds, unlike Don Gorske, I don’t indulge in a McDonald’s splurge all that often. In fact, over the last 39 years that Gorske has been frequenting – and I do mean frequenting – McDonald’s, I suspect I’ve averaged somewhere between 2-5 trips per year. Five is on the high side, but if it’s correct, I’ve been to McDonald’s a bit under 200 times over those years. Factoring out the times when I’ve had something chickenish or saladish there, or even – confession approaching – had a chocolate shake and fries, the maximum number of Quarter Pounders I’ve downed may be somewhere in the 150 range. In truth, this sounds too high. I’m guessing the more likely total is around 75.

Which is not to say that right now I wouldn’t mind tucking into one. (With fries.)

It’s just that….I won’t.

And for a Big Mac, I never. (Too gloppy-sloppy for my taste.)

Needless to say, this record has garnered Gorske an extra helping of 15 minutes of fame. (His first portion was served up in Super Size Me.)

Anyway:

"I plan on eating Big Macs until I die," the Fond du Lac, Wis., man said. "I have no intentions of changing. It's my favorite food. Nothing has changed in 39 years. I look forward to it every day." (Source: ABC News/AP.)

Gorske, who is 59 is, by the way, healthy – not overweight and with low cholesterol, to boot. He averages two Big Macs per diem, and doctors attribute his good health to the luck of the genetic draw. Another by the way: he doesn’t do much of any exercise.

He does, however, have his very own entry in Wikipedia.

Gorske’s long love affair with the Big Mac began when he was 18 and got his first car. His first stop? McDonald’s, where he lunched on three Big Macs. (Okay, he was a bottomless pit 18 year old…) He was so enamored of them – and his new wheels – that he dropped in two more times. Total for the day: nine Big Macs. Talk about a mouthful (and a gutfull).

The man doesn’t lack for eccentricity, that’s for sure:

At first, Don kept all the boxes of Big Macs he ate in the back of his car. He met and proposed to his wife, Mary, at a McDonald's in 1973….He says his taste buds have always fluctuated in sensitivity, so he often eats a Big Mac without being able to taste it.

Well, this taste bud’s for you: I think you can count yourself lucky for not being able to taste a Big Mac. But if you can’t taste something, why bother to eat it?

Ours not to reason why…

He claims that since he ate his first Big Mac, there have only been eight different days in which he did not eat a single Big Mac. One of these days was the day his mother died, and he did not eat a Big Mac to respect her request. Other days included a "Snow Day" when McDonalds was unable to open due to snow, a Thanksgiving, days he was traveling and could not find a McDonalds, and various days Gorske had to stay at work past midnight.

Now, to guard against those snow days and other emergencies, he keeps a stash of Big Macs in the freezer. I bet those glop burgers taste really swell when unfrozen. (Did I mention that what I don’t like about the Big Mac is that gloppy sauce?)  Yum! But maybe they get consumed on the no taste bud days, so it doesn’t matter.

Gorske keeps count of his Big Macs in a special notebook that is always on his person. And, while he no longer keeps the cartons in his car, he does save every receipt. You never know when those’ll come in handy.