Cogito ergo sumo? I think not.

While I’ll always end up watching (and getting hooked on) a few events, I wouldn’t characterize myself as a huge fan of the Olympics. And I started to like the Olympics a bit less when the International Olympic Committee (IOC) – The Games’ governing body – tossed out baseball as a sport, partially in favor of (get this) golf.

Not clear why the IOC called baseball out – perhaps it was all in the general Olympic spirit, which tends to tilt peevishly anti-American at times. But to have some of the baseball slots taken up by golfers? Something there is about golf that just doesn’t get me thinking Chariots of Fire or Miracle on Ice.  (And that was before Tiger Woods.)

But, hey, the IOC’s free to declare whatever sports they want Olympian.

And one of the sports that’s hoping the IOC declares for them is sumo wrestling.

Until I read an article on their Olympic bid in the WSJournal, I had thought that sumo was only “played” by men, and only “played” in Japan.

Hard for me to see that this sport will break in, as it does seem a bit outré and oddball.

Not to mention the obvious: do the same folks who like to watch swimmers swim, gymnasts gym, and milers mile also want to watch 400 pound men in some sort of combo loin cloth – thong thang belly-butt each other?

But that may just be my western sensibility clicking in here.

Strange things have happened, Olympic-wise. (Curling?)

So we shall see.

In order the legitimize their bid, the International Sumo Federation  had to make sure that there were women sumo wrestlers, since the Olympics doesn’t allow for sports that aren’t played by both men and women. And apparently, there are women sumo wrestlers – not just in Japan, but beyond (especially in Eastern Europe).

(Not sure about that International Sumo Federation link, by the way.  I think they’re the real deal, but they don’t appear to have the most hip, happenin’ up to date website going for them (this just in: 2005 IFS anti-doping code posted). If they’re serious about that Olympic bid, they might want to slick things up a bit.)

While European women, especially those familiar with combat sports, felt no qualms about giving sumo a go, Japanese women had more to contend with than just the bigger Europeans. Their biggest hurdle came from a stigma that can be traced to the 18th century, when, as entertainment for men, topless women sumo-wrestled blind men. Though this lewd variety eventually faded away in the mid-20th century after being banned repeatedly, a ceremonial form has continued in regional festivals so far out on the fringe of society that it remains virtually unknown.

Thankfully, we don’t be seeing the topless-blind variety in the Olympics. At least during my lifetime. (Be thankful for small blessings.)

For the real purists, women and sumo just don’t mix. For true believers, women:

…cannot touch or enter the sacred wrestling ring, the dohyo, lest they contaminate it with their “impurity.”

But that’s professional sumo, which, in Japan, has a religious ritual aspect to it, which is absent from the amateur ring.

While women’s sumo hasn’t exactly taken off like many other sports, the WSJ article mentions that there are now some college scholarships for female sumo wrestlers. (It didn’t name names. Somehow I don’t believe it’s the Southeast Conference or the Big Ten.)

I wasn’t exactly familiar with the plot of sumo, but the WSJ is ever helpful:

It is a trial of strength in which 48 techniques may be used to throw an opponent off balance so that he steps out of the ring or falls to the ground. A match begins with a head-on collision, followed by a wild fit of shoving, lifting, throwing, tripping, slapping, yanking or any combination thereof. It is often over in less than 10 seconds but can last a minute or more.

I guess for those who consider baseball excessively drawn out, and even (I just don’t get it) boring, that over and done in 10 seconds holds a certain appeal.

But I don’t even want to think about where the sumotori are going to sport their country’s logos.

Nah…I really don’t see sumo in the Olympics.