Damaged Goods

This week’s WTF moment was brought to us by Torry Hansen, the adoptive mother of a little Russian boy who sent the child packing back to Russia after she decided he was too much to handle. Hansen allegedly pinned a note to the little boy stating “this child is mentally unstable. He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues,” and had him put – unaccompanied – on a flight from Washington, DC to Moscow.

Supposedly, the child was told he was going on vacation, and didn’t know he was being returned to sender until the plane landed.

So long, Justin (his American name).

Do svidanya, Artyom. Have fun back in the USSR, boy.

There are so many different angles to this disturbing story: commoditization of children; treatment of problem children as “damaged goods” that can just be discarded by the wayside; unsavory adoption practices on all sides; immature, fantasy world parenting…And so on.

I do not find it impossible to believe that this child had significant behavioral issues.  Many children do, and I suspect the probability goes up when the child had addicted parents and was mistreated, abandoned, and warehoused for years. This profile certainly fits many children who were adopted post-infancy.

I know of several families who have adopted children from Russia/Rumania. Those adopted as infants are faring very well. Those adopted after years in orphanages, less so. But the “less so’s” have been coped with, and not returned to sender.

I also know of a couple of families – both with mature, experienced, realistic parents -  who adopted American children, at age 4 or 5, who came from difficult backgrounds: violent, addicted parents. In both cases, the children have pretty much made life hell for their families. Again, no return to sender, but no happy valley, either.

Why Torry Hansen wasn’t able to cope with Justin/Artyom may come out eventually. We’ll no doubt learn just how good the vetting process was for her adoption agency. What resources and support she availed herself of (or didn’t). What behavior merited the send-off. And maybe even – although not likely – whether the Russian adoption authorities knew of any deep-seated psychological problems this child has.

But however wits’ end Torry Hansen was at, I do not believe I will ever in a million years fathom anyone placing a seven year old, on his own, for this long journey. And – this trumps all, in my estimation – having him picked up at the other end by a perfect stranger that Hansen and/or her mother found on the Internet.

Nancy Hansen, the grandmother, told The Associated Press that she and the boy flew to Washington and she put the child on the plane with the note from her daughter. She vehemently rejected assertions of child abandonment by Russian authorities, saying he was watched over by a United Airlines stewardess and the family paid a man $200 to pick the boy up at the Moscow airport and take him to the Russian Education and Science Ministry.

First off, anyone who thinks an unaccompanied minor is “watched over by a stewardess” hasn’t been on many flights with unaccompanied minors. Stewards/stewardesses are busy, and devote little time and attention to babysitting. I’ve noticed that the airlines often seat children traveling alone next to comfy-seeming women – I’ve been one on several occasions – in hopes that the temporary auntie-grammy for the duration will entertain the kid, get him a blanket, assure him that someone will be picking him up, etc.

Then there’s the man hired to pick the boy up.

Yes, indeed, googling “Moscow airport pickup” will get you a lot of hits.

Remember how we used to say, ‘on the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog” (this from a New Yorker cartoon of a dog surfing the ‘net and making friends)? Well, on the Internet, no one knows right off the bat that you’re a sex trafficker or kiddie pornographer, either.

What an incredible risk these women took with this child.

Sure, as it turned out, the person who picked him up was legit, but it’s easy enough to see how this might not have been the case. What then? Would anyone have known or cared? The Hansens would have returned the damaged goods, and he’d now be someone else’s problem.

No, I just can’t figure out why the Hansens didn’t contact the adoption agency, or some other “authority” to report their problems and inquire about arranging a return. Or why one of them didn’t woman up and get on the plane with the child. I don’t care how destructive/obstructive this little boy was, can you image what was going on in his little head during this long, long flight. Do we think for a moment that he might have been scared, confused, and just plain weirded out? And what does he take with him of this overall experience of yet another major rejection in his brief life?

Maybe the Hansens didn’t make inquiries because they were afraid that there wasn’t any simple answer that was going to make them happy. I.e., they were afraid that someone was going to tell them that it’s not okay to just ship a child back, let alone on his own.

Whenever, if ever, the “truth” comes out on this one, there’s no way to undo extra final little piece of damage that being shot back to Moscow on his own has likely done to this one little boy.

Sad.

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Info source: HuffPo, among others.