Season passes to Jerry Remy's sports bar? Think I'll pass.

Jerry Remy is a local guy who made as good as it gets in Boston. He played  second base for the Red Sox for a number of years in the way-back, and he parlayed that into an announcing job as the team's color-commentator. Which he's parlayed into dual citizenship/dual presidency of both Red Sox Nation and RemDawg Nation. And he's parlayed that into a hot dog stand, a web-site that chats up the Sox and sells stuff, and, most recently, a new sports bar, located near Fenway Park, that's just opened.

Ah, a sports bar in Boston. If I've said it once, I've said it 1,000 times: Boston was absolutely in need of a new sports bar.

Why, there are some places in this city where you actually have to walk a good 50 or 60 feet, or maybe even yards, to find a place that features dark wood, sports memorabilia (real and faux), and two dozen flat screen TVs. A place where you can get real sports-fan food like potato skins, nachos, and Buffalo chicken tenders. Where it's possible to get a multiple choice of light (lite?) beer on tap. And, oh yes, where it may even be possible to purchase mouthwash and/or condoms from a vending machine in the ladies' and/or men's room.

No, like most big cities, I'm afraid, Boston just does not have enough sports bars per capita - something that I'm sure will be revealed in the upcoming U.S. Census.

So, needless to say, I was capital-T-Thrilled to read that the RemDawg has cut the ribbon on Jerry Remy's Sports Bar & Grill.

And, because there is such a dearth of sports bars in these parts; and, because we never, ever, ever get enough of our sports heroes, especially those who have played for The Olde Towne Team (that would be the Red Sox); and, because the only way we're going to work our way out of this recession is by freeing our inner mad spender, I am doubly, no make that triply, capital-T-Thrilled to learn that you can purchase a "season ticket pass" to Jerry's place. (Source: Boston Globe.)

Yes, sports fans, for a paltry $500, you will be given the privilege of cutting any line that will inevitably form prior to a Red Sox game, with packages available for either home or away games).  Plus, you'll:

...have a guaranteed table (once the game starts), and receive a $25 food credit and one free beer per visit, along with invites to exclusive events (up to a $3,000 value).

Now, admittedly, $500 won't get you much by way of getting into Fenway Park. The scalpers, pardon me, legitimate ticket sellers, have bleacher seats for crappy games for under $100/per, but that's about it.

But only a fool and his or her money would rather shell out that $500 to get into the park than pay for the privilege of a guaranteed table once the game begins.

Although I do wonder a bit about this. Wouldn't I want to be able to get that table before game time? You mean to say I should pay extra so that I can watch the game within proximity of Fenway Park (our soi-disant "America's Most Beloved Ballpark")?

Oh, I forgot, that's because there are so few sports bars where you can go and hang out and watch the game in public. And most of those pathetically few sports bars aren't anywhere near Fenway Park. I mean, some of them are wicked far away. Like near Quinzy Mahket, or The Gahden. Only a few are right there, in the shadow of America's Most Beloved Ballpark.

So, if you look at it that way, why not pay $500 to guarantee a table at RemDawg's, rather than try to fight your way into The Cask & Flagon (even though at the Cask, if you get outdoor seating, you have a chance at a ball that's hit over the Green Monster).

Then there's the $3K overall value. Curious to see the detail on what you get, I made my virtual way to Jerry Remy Sports Bar & Grill, where I found that it includes:

• An autographed picture with Jerry Remy at your table (Priceless)
• A $25 food credit plus one complimentary beer or glass of wine - PER VISIT

• A 20% discount on all merchandise sold at Jerry Remy's Sports Bar & Grill

• Front of line privileges

• Exclusive invitations to special events

• Private dining room fee waived for all pre-booked events and parties

• Guaranteed seating for you and your guests

    In addition to your season tickets benefits:

    BIG screen seating at a table of YOUR choice

    Priority Reservations

Well, I guess if you went to all 81 home games (plus, knock on Louisville Slugger ash, playoff games), and took advantage of that $25 food credit, plus that glass of house chard, each time, you'd be getting up to the $3,000 value. Especially if you wanted to stock up on RemDawg caps and Wally the Green Monster dolls - 20% off!

So far, the claim is that they've sold 170 of these season tickets, with a goal of 300.

To win over fans, Remy’s has billed itself as an extension of Fenway Park, with a similar facade, exposed pillars, and waiters dressed in uniforms.

Extension of Fenway Park? Does this mean that there'll be little to no legroom? That some of the seats will have obstructed views of the large screen TV's? That the people sitting next to you will get up to make beer and/or bathroom runs every inning, forcing you up and out of your seat to let them get by? That someone will spill beer on you? That you are guaranteed a seat in front of a drunken loud-mouth (as often as not, rooting for the opposition) who will scream stupid stuff in your ear until he dozes off (or gets tossed out) in the later innings? That you'll be able to buy an incredibly shrinking Sports Bar (the ice cream chocolate covered, not a sports bar sports bar)?

“This $500 season-ticket package can deliver an experience as close to an actual season ticket holder as possible, at a fraction of the price,’’ [Restaurant GM Don] Bailey said.

"An experience as close to an actual season ticket holder as possible"?

Can this possibly mean that you'll be able to scalp your season ticket to Remy's Sports Bar?

If that's the case, and there's actually an after-market for them - which there no doubt will be, given the lack of sports bars in Boston - then, hey, $500 is well worth the price of admission.

Play Ball!