Alas, fantasy gifts aren't what they used to be

Forget the millions of long term unemployed, the portfolio devastation, and the general malaise: for the first time in this century, the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book doesn't have an item that'll run you seven or eight-figures.

Ain't that a kick in the teeth?

Personally, as I'm not one of the 1 million  - a seven-figure number, I must note - who get the Neiman catalog, I can't say that I'll be missing it. But I did watch a "reality" show the other day called "Dallas Divas and Daughters", and I'll bet that crew is on the Neiman's list. (I read somewhere that one of the mothers featured on the show - I think the bleached out honey who drives a Maserati and is involved somehow in polo - wanted to do the show in order to "dispel" some myths about Dallas. Apparently one of the myths she wasn't after was that of Big-D as the capital of wanton consumption, superficiality, and bitchery.)

But enough about the Dallas Divas, who remain 'everything's bigger in Texas' rightsized, while Neiman's luxe de luxe is being downsized.

Instead of  "the $20 million submarine offered in 2000, the $10 million Zeppelin of 2004 or the $10 million stable of racehorses of 2008", the priciest gift in this year's wishbook - a humble 2-seater airplane - goes for a mere $250K. (No, that's not the 2-seater plane pictured here. It's the cupcake car, which I'll get to in a bit.)

Let the alligator belt tightening begin!

Not that anyone actually bought those big fantasy gifts. Only one has sold in the last decade.

Still, not having them to drool over has got to be a blow to those who awaited the N-M catalog's arrival as eagerly as tiny Texans at the turn of the last century must have awaited the Montgomery Ward and Sears catalogs. (Although my mother wasn't much of a Sears shopper - other than Kenmore appliances - we got the Sears Christmas catalog every year, and I used to love looking through it, even though the toy pages were minimal, and most of what was in there was god-awful dull and boring. Think overalls, work boots, and tools. Pictured in black and white, not color. What a relief to page through and find the fruitcake section.)

Saks is also downscaling a bit. No more:

..."dreams by design" or "wow" fantasy gift experiences such as a walk-on role in an American Ballet Theatre production sold in an online auction, with bids that started at $3,000.

Victoria's Secret, however, is continuing with its be-jeweled bra of the year:

The 2008 bra, featuring black diamonds and rubies, was priced at $5 million.

But it won't be revealed until later this month. Maybe they'll go low end, with a plain old bra duded up with a Bedazzler.

(We have surely come a long way, baby, from when women dreamed they were walking down Madison Avenue in a Maidenform bra.)

Overall, the luxury goods market is hurting. Sales at N-M are way down, and the general drop in luxe goods purchase is forecast to be 15% this year. That's a lot of Hermes scarves that aren't flying out the door - although there may be an uptick in demand, now that Duck wooed Peggy with one on a recent episode of Mad Men.

Not that this year's Neiman catalog is all scrimp and save practical.

Now awaiting buyers: the "world's fastest" electric motorcycle, for $73,000; artwork of insect lab specimens with antique watch parts, at $8,500; and five-foot-long, "sustainable" chandeliers made from cut and sanded plastic soda bottles rescued from the landfill, for $12,000. Overall, close to 50% of the merchandise in this year's Neiman catalog costs less than $250, compared with about 30% to 40% in the past five years.

Well, one would hope that a $12K chandelier would be sustainable. And I am trying to figure out just what "artwork of insect lab specimens with antique watch parts" is.

Although pretty much nobody bought the big-ticket items, having them in the catalog had immense PR value. The company:

...estimated that it would have had to spend at least $9 million to $12 million on advertising to get the television exposure it received from that year's gift list, which included a $1.76 million spaceship ride.

Of course, this year's story is frugality, which is no doubt also getting them $9 - $12M worth of free publicity (at whatever that would translate into at today's discounted rates).  Truly, N-M should garner some publicity for its cupcake car alone.

It only costs $25K, and it's eco-consciously electric.

"You sit in it and pull the top of the cupcake down over you," explains Ms. [Ginger] Reeder [gift scout for the catalog]..."This isn't street-legal," she adds. "It's for someone who wants to impress the neighborhood at the Fourth of July parade." The cupcake, she confesses, "was a last-minute addition because I thought we needed some whimsy."

Well, yes, Ginger, we do need some whimsy, and if I had $25K lying around, a neighborhood Fourth of July parade to parade in, and a place to park it, I would absolutely consider a cupcake car. (Chocolate. With lots of frosting.) Maybe the Dallas diva mother whose Dallas diva daughter was whining and pouting about not getting a Hummer or Range Rover or whatever big-ol' vee-hick-el she had her eye on and wasn't getting, will drive one of them into her kid's Christmas stocking.

Hee-hah!

(Article source: Wall Street Journal.)