Survivor

I'm am spending nearly every waking hour these days on news sites, watching talking heads, reading countless political blogs (including the comments). For a lot of reasons - this among them - November 4th can't come soon enough.

But in my excursions, I've tripped upon some interesting finds, including an article on MSNBC on an urban survivalist who's preparing for what he terms a "Greater Depression," and predicting a  “'major paradigm shift' that will, in a decade, leave the U.S. with a Third World economy."

Seattle's Atash Hagmahani - not his real name, but his nom de survivalist blog - has socked away enough food to last his family for two years, come the failure of "the system." He's also making sure his kids have some practical skills:

...such as sewing, nursing and wielding a gun for self-defense.

“One thing I’m adamant about is that each of the kids needs real skills; they can’t just be a pencil pusher,” says Hagmahani of 19-year-old Hans, Sofia, 14, and Erik, 12. “You might get lucky and get a cushy job, but you might not. You need high-tech skills and low-tech skills for dealing with a systemic breakdown.”

Well, I'm all in favor of people having practical skills.

I'm not exactly hip deep in them myself, but I do know how to sew, wire a lamp, and do some rudimentary plumbing fixes. I can bake from scratch. I know how to make soup. When I was 18, I pierced my own ears so I guess if I had to take my own or someone else's appendix out, I could probably figure out how.  (It helps not being especially squeamish.)

I also have a pretty good supply of practical clothing: turtlenecks, jeans, sturdy shoes, wool sweaters.

So, if worst comes to worst, I wouldn't have to be one of those babes in the disaster movies trying to run in spikes and stay warm in a silk dress.

Hagmahani wasn't the only survivalist profiled.

There's also Jim Wesley Rawles - somewhere in the West (need to know basis only) - who's an authority "on preparing for and surviving “TEOTWAWKI” — The End Of The World As We Know It."

Rawles notes that his audience, once largely Christian conservatives, is now across "the entire political spectrum."

Then there's Utah Shelter Systems, the 2008 version of the bomb shelters of my childhood, now running for $40-50K and built to survive a biological or nuclear attack.

I will be visiting Utah Shelter Systems site, and the survivalist blogs, over the next couple of weeks.

For now, one of the most intriguing bits in the article was a comment made by Richard Mankemyer, who runs something called the Survival Center, out in Washington. Mankemyer noted that it's not just families who are putting aside 100 pound bags of rice, 5 pound cans of beans, and 10 gallon jugs of water, but also businesses:

...including a major Northwest corporation that recently spent “tens of thousands of dollars” to stock up on shelf-stable foods for its executives. He would not identify the company, but he said he urged the officials to stock up for its other employees as well.

What I wouldn't give to know the name of that 'major Northwest corporation'.

Boeing moved to Chicago, right?

That still leaves Microsoft, which I don't see it. Wouldn't they be stocking for employees, too?

I wonder what their intention is.

Do they believe that, come TEOTWAWKI, they want their executives to survive so that they can rebuild the company?

If that's the case, they sure have more faith in the denizens of the average executive management suite than I do.

They should at least drop down a few levels in the organization to make sure they include at least a few of the worker bees who still remember how to do stuff (and where everything's hidden).

And let's face it, if it is TEOTWAWKI, they'll need people whose skills go beyond briefing analysts; making PowerPoint presentations that someone else has prepared for them; reading between the lines on financial statements; figuring out what company to acquire, what business to de-acquire, and how many employees they need to lay-off to satisfy some short term Wall Street blood lust.

I vote for the company nurse, the folks who run the cafeteria, the custodial staff, the security guards, and the guys on the loading dock, for starters.

But it must not be about perpetuating the entity in particular. Or society in general. It must be about perpetuating the executives.

Or providing just one more perk.

There's the first class flights, the company car, the nifty expense allowance, the "performance based" bonus, the golden parachute, and now there's the two-year supply of peanut butter and dried lentils. (With maybe a humidor or two full of Cohibas?)

Where is it kept? Will it cover their families, too? How will the executives get to it, come TEOTWAWKI? Will they be allowed to keep their admins around so that there'll be someone to help them find it?

Stockpiling food for the company executives!

Am I the only one who finds this equal parts hilarious, idiotic, and enraging?