Well, now that I've finally gotten off my duff, joined a gym, and started to work out - and, man, do I hate sweating - along comes the news that scientists have identified a couple of drugs "that mimic many of the beneficial effects of exercise." (This from The Boston Globe.)
The drugs burn fat and boost endurance - so what's not to like?
Plenty, of course. Especially the worry that while the drugs aren't on the market just yet (and have only been used on mice), competitive athletes might be able to find a lab to create human versions of them. Not to worry about the Olympics being tainted: the World Anti-Doping Agency has a test the checks for the components of the wonder drug.
The drug, by the way, does its magic by reprogramming the gene that governs muscle fibers and metabolism, and is based on some earlier research that "used genetic tinkering to create super mice that ran twice as far as normal rodents and ate ravenously without gaining weight." I don't know about that running twice as far as normal rodents, but the ability to eat ravenously part sounds like fun. (Yes, I will have that second hot fudge sundae, now that you mention it.)
Of course, the miracle drug hasn't been tested, so anyone trying to cook up their own in the chem lab is taking a risk, but - as we all well know - when it comes to big athletic bucks being at stake, some folks just see the dollar signs. And not the longer term effects.
With steroids, that's your body falling apart.
With genetic engineering, who knows?
Way too scary.
So I'll stick to my 45 minutes of hell in the sweat box. On the other hand, I'm not obese, don't have some debilitating condition that precludes exercise, nor do I have a dormant metabolism. (That is, I don't have a completely dormant metabolism. I sure didn't escape the menopausal slow down.)
Of course, I'm not a competitive/professional athlete with yellow shirts, gold medals, and kabillion dollar contracts on the line if only I can pedal faster, run longer, hit the ball farther.
So who decides what's cheating and what's okay?
Not gifted with 20-200 vision? Laser surgery, baby.
Might it be just a bit helpful to have slightly longer quads? Like the other guy was born with? Go under the knife - or, maybe more easilly-peasily - under the laser beam.
Want super lung capacity? Breathe deeply on this magic inhaler.
If surgical procedures and drugs are available that just happen to make anyone faster-stronger-better, why wouldn't athletes take advantage of them?
All you're doing in some of these cases is pulling even with the guy born with the ability to hold his breath for 5 minutes, or to see ants on an anthill from 100 yards.
Where do you draw the line?
Does every athletic record end up with an asterisk?
In the old days, we just had to worry about comparing home runs from the dead,ball era to those of the live ball era.
Now will it be altered vs. unaltered states?
Will we have different sports leagues and events - kind of like we buy organic vs. doctored food?
The "health nuts" will go to watch the natural athletes compete. The natural athletes will wear undyed burlap and clunky shoes. The fields they compete on will have burn spots and tough grass - none of these doctored, crazily green lawns for us! The records they break will be those held by Roger Bannister, Wilma Rudolph, Bronco Nagurski.
Everyone else will be drawn to the glitz and glamour of the unnatural athletes who are breaking all the records.
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