Of Mice and Mountain Dew

I’ve never been a Mountain Dew drinker. Actually I dew do not  believe I’ve ever had one. Then again, I don’t believe I’m the object of their desire, either, demographic-wise, which I’m guessing skews young, male, Dukes of Hazard-ous.

So, no, the great bottled/canned mouse controversy will not stop me from buying me some MTN Dew. It will, however, give me pause when it comes to my soda habits, which is a once-a-day Diet Polar Orange Dry (oh, how fortunate to live in New England) and/or Diet Coke.

After reading about the latest, I will definitely be reading the fine ingredients print.

In case you haven’t heard about the Mountain Dew brouhaha, which I saw in The Huffington Post last week, one Ronald Ball of Wisconsin is suing PepsiCo (the bev-co behind Mountain Dew), claiming that he got a can from a vending machine, took a swig, tasted something ghastly, and spit out a mouse.

Not that it makes all that much difference, gastronomically or aesthetically, but that must have been some teensie-tiny little mouse for it to sluice out the not-so-large flip top hole in a soda can.

But, hey, mouse is mouse.

Ball, who is seeking damages in excess of $50,000, claims he then sent the mouse to Pepsi, which destroyed the mouse's body.

Well, I for one can’t wait until we all get replication technology in our homes, so that we can create a true, 3-D copy of something like this, and not just trust the gods that open Mason Jars containing Mountain Dew and mouse parts for Pepsi to hang on to it for future reference.

What’s interesting is not that Pepsi may have destroyed the evidence. It’s how they’re pushing to get rid of Ball’s case:

…Pepsi is now moving to dismiss the case, citing testimony from an expert who claims that acid used when the drink is bottled would have caused the rodent to transform into a "jelly-like' substance," according to LegalNewsline.com.

So, if I’ve got this straight, they’re saying that you wouldn’t have found a whole mouse, you would have gotten a mouthful of “jelly-like substance”, which most of us would likely chalk up to sediment or general flavor goop. Not reduction of rodent.

(Note to JK Rowling: if you ever do another Harry Potter, it looks like we’ve got a new flavor for Bertie Botts’ Jelly Beans. Yum!)

Anyway, it seems that Mountain Dew contains something called brominated vegetable oil (BVO), which is the not-so-secret ingredient that dissolved the mouse. That’s not what BVO was doing in there. It’s prime purpose is “more consistent flavoring.” Mouse-dissolving is, apparently, a side benefit.

BVO, by the way, is banned in nanny-state places like Europe, but in the US is allowed in “limited quantities”. (Just enough to even out the flavor and dissolve the occasional mouse.)

In addition to Mountain Dew, BVO is used Squirt and Fanta Orange, neither or which I would have thought was still on the market.

Anyway, I’ll be slowing down my soda consumption, even if my bevs of choice don’t contain BVO.

As always, be careful out there.