Business Astrology

There is a small ad in the back of the latest Economist for a just-launched company, Zen Temple, that specializes in something called "business astrology" for launch times, decision making, branding & ethos.

I couldn't very well resist a look at their web site, now, could I?

Zen Temple is the brainchild of one Christopher Odle, "an astrologer, psychic and businessman with over 25 years' experience in the industry" with extensive " knowledge and experience as a divination and new age expert". Odle is also the proprietor of Star Temple, a far less business-y site devoted to his psychic readings service, where "over 60 psychic consultants, who between them give around 100,000 psychic readings a year." (Star Temple, we are told, has, since its inception, "always made a monthly profit," presumably using the decision making, branding, and ethos techniques now available through Zen Temple.)

Odle uses a combination of Astrology, I Ching, and Symbolism - all "forms of Divination" as "a way to access the sacred to illuminate the path of good fortune. " His services help businesses figure out where to set up shop, when to launch a marketing campaign, and how to enter into negotiations. Zen Temple can also inform you of the most auspicious time for a coronation - something which I would have thought of as a function of when the old monarch dies. But, given how new-agey Prince Charles is, I wouldn't be surprised if he tapped Odle to divine just the right mo' to don the crown, once The Queen has joined the Royal Coterie in the sky. Since the Queen Mother lasted for such a good long time, however, I don't expect that this date is in the near future. But once you open up one of those crows at the Tower of London, there's no telling what the entrails might augur. So maybe Odle knows something we don't know. (Queen Mum's the word.)

Zen Temple also helps companies clarify their strategy, management structure, and client relationships. Well, where were they when we needed them? All those off-sites, all those endless management meetings, all that time sitting around the conference room table with everyone's name on a slip trying to reconfigure the org chart.

Yes, most of the time we were doing this on our own, but a good quarter of the time we were paying high-priced consultants to help us out.

Here I was thinking all those years that "the fault lies not in the stars, but in ourselves," when what Shakespeare really meant to say was "the answers lie in the stars, not in our ourselves."

And the "branding, ethos, corporate, and spirit" assistance they could have offered? If we'd only known....

From the most mundane question to the most profound, divination can illuminate the path of fortune by helping us flow with the hidden undercurrents and energies that drive existence. With a sincere heart and open mind, you may begin to see the world in a different light.

Before you launch your company, product, or campaign, take a look at the birth chart and figure out whether the planets are aligned.

I take this to mean that Softbridge should have been able to figure out that if they started out as an Aries, no good would come of it.

I've got two different clients with marketing campaigns just launching, so I'm going to ask a few big questions. Should we stick with the Age of Aquarius, or would it be better if we waited until Gemini, or Taurus even.

(Boy, there's even more to worry about than I thought.)

It's not just the zodiac, however. We could go I Ching instead. With this approach, "patterns of lines are obtained by throwing coins or yarrow stalks whilst focusing on the issue at hand." I'm plum out of yarrow stalks, but I could throw a few coins out there and see whether we should expand or contract our mailing list, and whether we should focus on banks or insurance companies first.

Without a doubt, I'm going to want to think about symbolism, too, since this "can reveal underlying issues and opportunity for change." Well, as I've said to one of my customers, that logo that looks like it was designed by the Bulgarian Central Committee in 1952 has got to go. Any association with the long-discredited Bulgarian Central Committee is definitely an "underlying issue", given that we're techies living under capitalism, not technocrats living under Communism. So I divine an opportunity for change coming along soon on this front.

Admittedly, Zen Temple's approach might strike you as just a tiny bit wacky. But if you think about it for just a second, Zen Temple's services can be thought of as a little help-meet for getting you to think things through. Forget whether the yarrow stalk lands up or down - does it make sense to start this promotion during August when everybody who would possibly want to purchase the product is on vacation? And what are the implications of having a logo that looks like a dagger through a heart when you're promoting a Teddy Bear Tea for 6 year olds? See, it's working already.

Zen Temple may strike some as charlatans - especially given their connection to the Star Temple psychics - but it actually looks like a bargain compared to some of the consultants I've worked with who've charged a lot of money for not much of anything.

Zen Temple offers a free initial exploratory consultation, either in person, or by telephone. Depending on the scope of the project, worldwide visits are also possible. If you then decide to use our services, fees start from £200 + plus VAT if applicable.  Special rates available to small businesses.

Sounds like a pretty good deal, although I'm not 100% sure that this is the right time to get Zen. Today's horoscope tells me "as much as you would like to ignore emotional matters, you must deal with them. Running never solves anything so get to it. It will ease your stress and any guilt you are experiencing if you do."

This is the first time I've read my horoscope in years, and while there's certainly wisdom contained in the above, I don't quite see how it applies to any decision to explore Zen services. Maybe I should widen my divination horizons here. There is no yarrow in the fridge. Perhaps tossing a stalk or two or baby asparagus around will tell me how to proceed from here.